It Figures
by o.O.o.Maraudette.o.O.o
Summary: Lily decides to try out for the Quidditch team. James, the captain, ends up in the hospital wing with Sirius by his side. How? You'd be surprised. EDIT: changed to series of one-shots based on the Marauders and their favorite sport. Please review! :-D
1. It Figures

It Figures

I lean back in my chair. Transfiguration is about to start, Minnie is already almost late, and I'm pretty much loving life.

Shoe-in for pre-Auror training classes: check.

Captaincy for Quidditch: check.

Best friend officially becoming my brother: check.

Nabbed a spot next to Lily for the rest of the year (making Remus hit his head on the wall and Sirius laugh until he passed out): Check, check and check.

My Head Boy badge catches the light and shines at the blackboard. It's good being me.

Yes, I know I'm being quite arrogant. Shut it. I'm happy and you're killing my buzz.

"You'll fall and hit your head, James."

Lily sweeps into the room and sits down next to me. I tilt even farther back in my seat. "I don't think so," I say sarcastically. "My Quidditch training has gifted me with the reflexes of a cat. A _cat,_ Lily. Think about it."

She rolls her eyes, smiles and twirls sparks from her wand.

The bell rings, and immediately Minnie shouts from the front of the class, "Order! Order, I say!"

"Hot _damn_, Minnie, don't do that!" says Padfoot from the floor. She frightened him right out of his seat. I can't blame him. My heart rate's going faster than Snape can run from an Anti-Dandruff Charm.

"We will have order, Mr. Black, now please take your seat!" she says, but not quite as sharply as usual. Sirius takes his seat on top of the desk. Cheeky bastard. Minnie sighs. "What, Mr. Potter?"

My hand comes down out of the air and I take a place in front of the class. "Thanks, Minnie," I say. "Since this is an all-Gryffindor class, I'd like to make an announcement."

"Eurgh! Prongs, what's that on your _face_?"

"Moony, that's his nose! Can you believe it?"

"Moony, shut it."

"You shut it, Prongs, you're the one disrupting Minnie's _lovely _class, which she planned _so hard _to schedule!"

I sigh and rub the bridge of my nose. "As I was saying, Quidditch tryouts are tomorrow after dinner. One day only. Bring your own broom or you'll be eliminated straightaway."

"Sit down, Potter!"

"Padfoot, shut it or you'll be stuck as chaser for the rest of the season!"

"I'd steal your glory and you know it."

I roll my eyes and sit back down, flicking Sirius the bird when Minnie isn't looking. Lily chuckles.

"You trying out, flower?" I ask. Lily quirks an eyebrow at me.

"What positions are open?"

I could think of a lot of really nasty responses, but seeing as only Padfoot would understand the innuendo (and I'm a tad scared of Lily) I just tilt back in my chair and say, "Beater, Seeker and two Chasers."

She nods and looks at the board for a second, then says, "Maybe," with that flirty little shrug. Then, before I'm even over the shrug, she's pushed the back of my chair as hard as she can. Everyone watches as I fall.

"Reflexes like a cat, you said, James?" she says innocently. Moony snorts.

"Maybe a dead cat."

.o.O.o.

"Alright, Gryffindor! We now have our Chasers –" I point to Terry and Joanna – "and our Seeker!" Morgana takes a bow from where she's standing on her broom ten feet up. Showoff. "If you are _not _trying out for Beater, please leave the pitch!"

It's amazing how many kids can't fly in this place. Just crazy. About a hundred of the tryout-ers leave the pitch (including a few brooding Ravenclaws), leaving Errik, Will, and – no way.

"Lily, you can't try out for Beater," I sigh, looking up at her. She's hovering about seven feet off the ground, smirking and twirling that beater's bat like no one's business.

"Whyever not?" she says, all innocent. Like she doesn't _know_."

"Lily, you're a _girl_."

"How observant of you."

I sigh again and fight back a headache. "You can't go against Sirius, let alone those Slytherin thugs. It's not physically possible without illegal potions. Even Morgana can't play beater."

She smiles at me and flips her hair, saying, "Potter, I can handle myself. I've been in softball for long enough to know my way around a bat." I bite back a comment. How many innuendos could _that _spark? Lucky thing Sirius didn't hear.

Nevertheless, I shake my head. "No. As Captain, I forbid –"

"You and I both know you can't do that. It's against the rules. If I want to try out, I can. What's the worst that can happen?" Before I can answer — gee, you could _die _– she gives me the look. You know the one. The Patented Lily Glare. And as much as I love her, I'm a little bit afraid.

"Fine. It's your skin."

Errik and Will are watching me and Lily with those little smiles on their faces. I toss them bats, and I can't help but feel a little proud of Lily when Errik sags under its weight.

I grin my most wicked grin and whistle. Sirius whistles back. Padfoot's been keeping the bludger ready for over ten minutes, aiming it far from the tryouts. Now, he lets the bludger wild, following behind.

I talk quickly, eyes flitting from Errik and Will up to Lily, who's eyeing the bludger rather like a lion eyes a gazelle. Sexy. "Mount your brooms! The object is to knock Sirius out of the sky. The quickest one to do so will be the newest Beater! If none of you succeed, last-man-standing –"

Lily coughs.

"Or woman standing – last one flying wins!"

The Bludger is getting closer and closer. I can hear the wind. Errik and Will are just mounting their brooms when it first attacks – its aim is true, and its course is for Will's head. He ducks – where'd it go?

Oh. Damn!

Lily is hovering where the bludger had been, still twirling her bat lazily. The bludger is heading directly away from her.

Errik says very quietly, "What if we get hit?"

"If you die, you're done. Otherwise, you keep going until you decide that the position is not for you. GO!"

The boys push off hard and spiral into the air, trying to get their bearings. Lily is already making a circuit of the pitch. I have to say, I have good taste. I never even knew she could fly.

Errik is the first with contact – though not neccessarily the best contact for an aspiring beater. Sirius hit him full in the face while the git was giving sweet-eyes to his lady out in the stands. Bloody idiot. Glad to be shot of him.

Will is tensing up. See that line there, between his shoulder blades? He's stressed. He can't handle pressure very well, although on all other counts he's a fair player. He –

Oi!

Lily is recoiling, I can't believe it, I knew she'd get hurt, there's no way she's going to stay on –!

But she is. Damn!

That bastard Will got her in the back of the head while she was turning around the goal posts. Her face smashed as far forward as it could, right into the handle of her Nimbus. She spits out a tooth.

Sirius, I can tell, is pissed. He's friends with Lily -- loves her like a sister. And usually he keeps his calm when he gets on the pitch too – but not now. He's aiming to kill now. Okay, not really. Don't go running to McGonnagall or anything, prissy-pants.

Lily's face has that look on it through the blood. You know. The one that says she's plotting something. Her flying is less graceful now, more random, and Will can't follow. The bludger picks up on the movement and gets excited. Lily smacks the ball hard towards Padfoot and executes a nice little dip, lower toward the ground. Near me.

"Lily! Are you okay?" I call loudly. She's still a dozen yards up.

"James!" she yells down too, and I see a droplet of blood fall from her mouth. My heart hurts.

"What?"

She swoops around, towards where Sirius and Will are maneuvering for the bludger. She tosses her hair back one more time – even from here I can see how focused she is – as she calls, "Go out with me!"

...I can't breathe.

Time seems to stop for a moment. Sirius and Will freeze twenty feet up, Will a bit higher up than Sirius, looking at me. I... I really... I can't breathe.

Lily grunts with effort – I see her take a two-handed swing at the bludger, knocking it into the back of Will's head. Everything looks fuzzy to me, but I see Will go head-first over his broom and knock into Sirius. I see two black shapes hurtle towards the ground.

Dark. I can't see much except a red color... and a green... and feel a pair of arms around my shoulders as I pass out.

.o.O.o.

I wake up an hour later in the hospital wing. I can see a body thru the screen on my right. It's Padfoot, judging by the snores.

I lay back down and think. What happened? Why did I pass —

Lily.

Lily Evans. Asked me out. Asked _me _out!

I grin. I grin so hard that it hurts my head, and I can't help it, I feel really warm –

Oh, Merlin. It was a trick.

That little minx just asked me out to distract Will and Sirius. She just needed an opportunity. That little... I can't believe... I hit myself in the head and groan. Of course it was a trick. It bloody figures. I hate my life.

"James?"

I must be hearing voices. She's not even here. I can't see her.

"James? I'm here."

Lily's head pops into existence, and then she drops my Invisibility cloak and sits down in the chair next to my bed.

"Great," I say. "You're here. Now please clear off before Pomfrey gets wind."

She winces. "I... I was worried. You weren't waking up."

"Well, passing out takes a bit out of you."

She sits in silence for a second. I fume. I feel like a bleeding two-year-old, but I don't care at the moment, thanks very much.

"I wasn't trying to trick you," Lily says softly. I snort.

"Okay. Don't you think you've hurt enough already?"

She sucks in a breath of air. Her eyes look very wet. I backtrack. "No, no, Flower, it's okay, don't cry, I'm sorry, just don't –"

"I mean it, you know."

I blink. What?"

She's looking at me all wide-eyed, like I'm supposed to say something. I open and close my mouth without anything coming out. I mean, what am I supposed to _say_?

"Will you go out with me?"

Well. That would've done nicely. I grin. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious."

"Holy Merlin, yeah. I, I mean, I suppose. If I can find a spare moment." Yeah. Nice and smooth. That's how I roll.

Lily just laughs and stands up. "Go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. We have practice." She's about to leave, but stops for a moment and looks at me. Then, almost before I can realize what's happening, she kisses my forehead and leaves.

I lay back against my pillows. Thank you, Merlin. Thank you God, thank you to all of the Potter ancestors that watched over–

What is that?

Oh. Of course. There's a beater's bat on my dressing table.

It figures I would fall in love with the only girl that can hit harder than I can.


	2. Hate Tastes Nothing Like Syrup

_Hey, it's me, and I am probably the happiest person in the world right now! I've finally gotten another one-shot written for "It Figures". I dunno if it's any good, but it made me laugh a bit while writing it, so there you are. Please, please, PLEASE review! It really means loads to me!!_

_.o.O.o. Maraudette .o.O.o._

* * *

Hate Tastes Nothing Like Syrup

Sirius stumbles out of the locker room and onto the pitch behind me. He's very pale, I can see that from here, and his broom is dragging on the ground.

"James," he says, yawning, "not that you aren't my best mate in the world, but right now I really hate you."

I grin cheekily at him and pat him on the back. "It's okay, Padfoot, don't be shy, I can take any comment you throw out there," I say sarcastically, handing him a piece of toast. He looks at it as if it's a piece of turd in a napkin.

"Why are you giving me toast, Prongs?" he asks.

"Because it's early morning, mate."

"But why toast?"

"Well, I like toast."

Sirius drops his broom – it hovers at waist height – and drags one finger across the surface of the bread. "How do I like my toast, Prongs?" he asks me. Uh-oh. I think back.

"Um… toasted?"

"But what do I always have on my toast?"

Ah-ha! "Syrup!"

Sirius nods. "And what is this toast seriously lacking?"

"Syrup."

"That's right, James. So why on Earth do you think syrup-less toast is going to make me like you any better at seven o' clock in the morning?"

"Because… I thought of you?"

He sighs. "I really do hate you right now, Prongs. Hate has taken the place of the syrup on my toast. And hate doesn't taste anything like syrup. It just doesn't cut it."

I sigh and scratch my neck. "Pad, just get in the air. We've got to do a few Beater drills before the match next week to break in your new shoulder muscles."

"I wouldn't _have _new shoulder muscles if I hadn't had to regrow them, because _somebody _got a little too excited about Disintegration Charms –"

"I thought we agreed that wasn't my fault."

"Yeah, well, I've changed my mind. Where's my co-Beater anyways?"

"Here!"

I turn around. Lily is making her way from the girls' lockers jauntily, still in her pajamas. This is not as sexy as you would think. Her pajamas consist of a pair of my low-slung very baggy fleece pants, and a tight too-small tank-top.

Okay, maybe it is as sexy as you would think. Get your eyes back in your head. She's mine.

She grins and kisses me when she reaches us, takes my hand, then twirls her beater's bat up onto her shoulder and asks, "Ready, Siri?"

"Don't call me Siri this early in the morning, Lil," he grunts, kicking off into the air. Lily laughs and gives my hand a squeeze before mounting her broom and flying up towards him.

It takes me a second to recoil from both the kiss and her hand. But when I do, it's because Sirius is conjuring up pies and hurling them at me as fast as he possibly can. I duck and hurry over to the ball case, fling it open, and duck again as the bludgers fly outwards.

Immediately Lily gets hold of it and smacks it towards Sirius, who does a neat little sloth roll and sends it back her way. She flies down, then leads it up, eventually smacking it back at him with a wicked overhand. Sirius hits it just in time, but I can see a broken finger from where it grazed him.

Who'd've thought that little Lily could have so much bite?

They're playing harder now. I can see Sirius sweating thru his short-sleeve shirt. Lily's face is red. I take a seat on my broom and hover a few meters to the east of them, occasionally circling, calling out suggestions.

"To the left there, Lily, that's his weak spot!"

"Pads, if you try that again I'll break your nose!"

Sirius looks really pissed. He can't get a good grip on his bat because of his finger, and I can tell he wants to just be done. It's written all over his face.

I fly across from him towards Lily, hovering about ten feet behind her. Sirius pounds the Bludger; she hits it back. "Nice return!" I call.

Sirius rolls his eyes, turns his broom, and whips his entire body into one last good hit. Lily dodges; I don't.

Next thing I know I'm on the ground. It's wet. There must be dew. My head hurts.

Lily is sitting next to me. I can tell she's trying not to laugh. "Poor James," she says in a barely controlled voice, brushing back my hair.

I groan. My forehead is bruising, I can feel it. "Sirius… where is that bastard?" I ask groggily.

Lily tries not to giggle. "He… erm… left. But he wants me to tell you that he was going to go get maple syrup… and that your bed would be perfectly suited for a syrup binge… erm… is there something I should know?"

Syrup?

Oh.

That crazy little son of a bitch.


	3. Frog Brains and Felines

_This one is for one of my best friends. She always threatens me with cats -- I'm deathly allergic -- and I always say I'd get even with her. Of course Remus would be able to exact revenge much better than I ever would. :3_

_.o.O.o. Maraudette .o.O.o._

* * *

Frog Brains and Felines

I'm hiding.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Big, bad, awesome, sexy and absolutely perfect James Potter is hiding? This is serious.

…So maybe you're not thinking that.

Either way, you ought to know that I'm hiding from something a tad bigger, much scarier, and much more pissed off than I am.

"Prongs. I know you're here somewhere, and I'm going to find you if it's the last thing I do."

Remus J. Lupin.

It makes me chuckle when people think he's the tame Marauder. There is _no such thing_ as a tame Marauder. You'd think that people would've realized that after the Great Pudding Incident of the Fourth Year, but no. I was blamed for that. Moony's a bloody great person when it comes to framing.

Bad news for me.

I peek out from behind one of the rows of Quidditch seats closest to the ground. Remus is standing almost exactly at the center of the pitch, looking around him, knee-deep in snow and wand drawn. His back is to me.

Directly across the pitch, hiding underneath another seat, is Sirius. He had nothing to do with the cat that found its way into Remus's bed, unless you count the fact that he told me Remus is allergic. And the fact that he changed the cat to a very violent shade of pink. He just enjoys seeing me be attacked. Bugger. If I wasn't in mortal danger, I'd smack him in the head.

I shift my weight from my left foot to my right.

Shit.

I hope that was Sirius making that creak.

Eurgh!

I'm – I'm not sure where I am. It's still somewhere on the pitch, I'm sure, but I'm not behind my seat anymore. And there's green, gooey, nastiness covering me everywhere.

Eurgh! It's in my mouth!

Remus is standing there, eyes a bit swollen from the cat, but looking quite self-satisfied. Git. Sirius is laughing.

"Well, Prongs? Anything to say for yourself?" Moony asks, raising his wand.

I wipe my forearm across my mouth to clear this gooey green-ness away. "What _is _this?"

"Pickled frog brains. Snape's entire private store multiplied by three. I have a feeling he won't be too happy when he finds out it's gone." He wipes a splash of brain off his robes. "It's really quite unfortunate that you chose to move it. He'll be looking for you by mid-day."

Without another word Moony turns on his heel and struts off towards the castle. That bloody _git! _Sirius is howling still, but with one look from me he's transformed into that giant black dog and is bounding away like a fricken puppy.

And then I hear the only other person that makes me shake in my boots – other than Moony.

"James? _Why _is my cat _pink?_"

I laugh nervously and spit out a gob of frog brain. "Lily, if I told you, you might hurt me."


	4. Just Worry About the Bunnies

_Hey all -- finally got another chapter to put up... this is a bit different from the others that are up, but I still thought it ought to be up here. PLEASE if you have any little prompts for things the Marauders could do in the Quidditch pitch, send me a PM -- I love prompts and suggestions, and my ideas can only take me so far! ^_^_

_Maraudette_

_

* * *

_

Just Worry About the Bunnies

There is no freaking reason that I should be up at this hour.

I groan and roll over, blocking out the sound of my owl tap-tap-tapping on my window. Stupid Emmet. Who names their bird Emmet anyways?

Bloody Padfoot, that's who.

He's still tapping on the window with his stupid looking beak. I snap.

"Look, Emmet, you can deliver the mail in the morning like every other –" I start loudly, but then I catch sight of him. "Hell, you're not even my owl! Tess, go around to Lily's window, damn it! Leave me be!"

The bird makes a very hurt sort of sound and swooshes around the tower towards Lily's window. I quite like that word – swoosh. Very... windy sounding.

God, I must be really tired.

I punch my pillow into a good shape and pull my blankets over my head. Maybe I'll be able to get a few hours before tomorrow morning comes around. If I'm lucky.

I'm just starting to drift off – I can see the start of a very good dream involving a few squares of Turkish delight and the Giant Squid -- when I hear a door slamming across the hall, hurried footsteps down the stairs, and the portrait hole creaking open and shut. I sit up straight and look about for my glasses best I can, cause there's no way I'm staying in bed when Lily's up and gone.

Up, gone, and _crying._

I pull on a jumper and a pair of pajama trousers (I sleep in my boxers, you dirty minded fools) and my shoes, plus the Map, of course, and my wand. Then I'm out the picture of the Gray Donkey and after her.

Crying scares me. It's one of the things that Lily has never done in front of me, and I was hoping it would never happen. That, and vomiting. Vomiting irritates me.

I take a right at the portrait of Sir Feral (telling him to shut his bloody mouth on the way) and stumble down the hidden staircase behind the tapestry of dancing tutu-loving gnomes. The map says she's heading to the Pitch.

She's out of sight when I finally find my way out of the locker room and onto the field. I left the map back in the locker room when I grabbed my Nimbus, so I can't exactly look for her from the ground. So, as tired as I am, I ruffle my hair and mount and spring into the air.

I do a round of the pitch with nothing. Another – nope. Nothing. Maybe the Map was wrong –

Nah.

I hear something. It sounds like... whimpering. Oh, Merlin.

I find her sitting inside a goal hoop. It's only just barely wide enough for her curled up body to balance on, and it wouldn't be wide enough for a less coordinated person. Her Nimbus is hovering next to her where she'd dismounted.

I land next to her and throw my broom next to hers. "Oh, Lily," I say quietly. She looks up at me – her eyes are red. Dear God.

"They're gone," she croaks. I catch sight of a crumpled letter in her fist. "They're gone."

I see a few fat tears roll down her cheeks. Sighing, I whip out my wand, make the hoop about three feet wider so my fat arse doesn't fall off, and take her against me, my arms around her. It'd be really romantic if she wasn't shaking from crying so hard. Story of my bloody life.

I rub her back and she buries her face against my chest, making my jumper wet with her tears. I don't care. Right now, I want to hurt whoever sent that stupid letter.

She's stopped now. She's just sitting here, with her entire body pressed against me, her eyes even redder than before. I say very quietly, "What's happened to you, hon?"

She squeezes the fist where the parchment envelope is being crushed alive, then hands it to me. I read it silently, and as fast as I can.

_To Miss Lily Marie Evans and To Whom It May Concern,_

_At the time of twenty-three minutes past midnight on the current date, the Muggles Mr. Luke and Mrs. Erin Evans, of number fourteen, Fox River Lane, were killed by the followers of the notorious Dark wizard He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. _

_There is to be a reading of the wills of the above as arranged by the eldest daughter of the deceased, Miss Petunia Lore Evans-Dursley, who will notify those who have been included within the wills at her convenience._

_The entirety of the Department of Wizard-Related Muggle Deaths sends their deepest condolences to you, Miss Evans._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Leland Durieux, of the above Department of the Ministry of Magic_

Oh Merlin.

Her breathing has slowed down now, and her eyes are shut. I think she may have fallen asleep. My poor, sweet tiger lily. I don't think I've ever felt this sad for anyone in my life.

The two of us sit there, curled against the rim of the hoop, my head resting on the top of hers and my hand rubbing soothing circles on the small of her back. It's all I can think to do.

I never met her parents. We were going to visit them over the Easter holidays, as a surprise, because Lily had met my parents months ago, before we even started dating. She was so excited. Lily's such a little daddy's girl – never stopped talking about her dad and how sweet he is. Was. God, my heart hurts for her.

The sun is rising just over the edge of the Quidditch pitch now, shining through hazy clouds and fuzzy misty bits. I don't have it in my heart to move her. If she wakes up, she'll just start crying again.

"Hmmm…"

What?

I look down at her face – so calm now, without any crying lines on her eyes and without her cheeks all ruddy – and wipe away a single tear on her cheekbone. She's smiling just the faintest line of a smile.

"Hmmm… my knight…"

Someone has a bit of a night-talking issue, I b'lieve.

She settles down one more time in my arms with one hand on my chest and says, "Thank you." Just a simple little pair of words, but it's as sweet as caramel to me. Maybe where she's at, she can pretend that her dad is hugging her again the way that I can never make up for. Maybe her mom is kissing her forehead. Maybe they're watching a movie together, with Lily in her dad's arms and her mom sipping tea like she told me they do.

The sun is just barely peeking over the edge. It's bright in my eyes. I wish I could've stopped him from doing this, I really do. If it was up to me, she'd be sleeping without the worry of waking up to reality.

"Chocolate bunnies are eating me…"

Lord, what kind of dreams is she escaping to?

But I don't care. I just want to be the block against the harshness of the world for her. Just for a little while. Even in my sleep-deprived state I know that much.

So sleep, baby. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise. You'll never have to live through another loved one dying. Just worry about fighting off the chocolate bunnies for now. If it's up to me, that's all you'll ever have to worry about.


End file.
